So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
