How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
