tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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