Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
