He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
