I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
