I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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