Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
