So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
