You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
