My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
