come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
