Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
