id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
