Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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