dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
