i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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