so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
