I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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