I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
