Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
