There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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