I need help removing her.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
