Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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