would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My penis needs a shock collar
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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