im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Still dying that you shit outside
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
