He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
