I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Can I color on your dick again?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
