If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
