An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
