I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
