I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
