The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
