did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We have started to decorate penises.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
