He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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