I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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