I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
