Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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