At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
