didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
