So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
