bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
