dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
