You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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