just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
