You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
