Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
