life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
This is my gift to your gina
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
