So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
