I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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