pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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