It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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