DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
