He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
