drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
