I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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