you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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