We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
