i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
