it wasn't lemon gatorade
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
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