I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
