ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
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I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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