I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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