I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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