Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
