friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
