um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
