3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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