pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
