We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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